Sex.

Now that I have your FULL attention, let’s talk. Some of what I am about to tell you may sound humorous, but you usually laugh when you talk about sex anyway, right?  However, the essence of this article is the truth — and it really can affect your eating habits.

Sex is a big problem in American society, a problem that we are not even close to resolving. We love it. We hate it. We are obsessed with it, yet we often act as if it does not exist. We think it’s wonderful, exciting, good, bad, natural, unnatural, clean, dirty, acceptable and forbidden.

We think sex education is important, but only because you can die from sex, not because sex is natural, wonderful and a gift from God. But maybe there is a clue here, in the “you can die from it” comment.

Think about this. Let’s say you are 12 years old and you watch TV after school for a week. At the end of this week you have seen over 100 murders. Right in front of your not-so-innocent eyes, you have watched 100 men, women and children die.

Is there a point to this? Yes, there is. Violence, extreme violence, is OK with us. But not sex. Did that child see 100 people making love? No. We are, as a society, more comfortable ending life than creating it. 

Now you may be mumbling to yourself, “He’s wrong about me. I don’t like all this violence on TV. I don’t let my kids watch it, either.” OK, you are the exception to the rule. But keep reading. You may be surprised.

I’m sure you will agree that we Americans are pretty confused about the subject of sex. That means that you have been affected in some way by the culture you live in. That sexual confusion has shaped your thinking and feeling at least to some extent. That confusion may actually be affecting your eating habits on a daily or weekly basis. To determine that effect, we have to ask some questions.

1. What is the connection between food and sex?

Would you admit that sex is a sensual experience? Yes. Well, what about eating food? Yes, eating is a very sensual experience, particularly if you pay attention when you are doing it. Now, we have two sensual experiences, but one of them is far more socially acceptable than the other. Is it possible that the need for one could be sublimated or acted out in the other? Is it possible that your sexual energy is so unacceptable to you that you eat food instead of embracing your sexual feelings? I think it is entirely possible.

2. What is your sexual history?

No, I am not asking you about sexual partners. I am asking a much deeper question. Who taught you about sex? What did they teach you? How comfortable were they in the discussion? What conclusions did you come to about sex? How comfortable are you now when you talk about sex? Do you ever talk about it? To whom and when?

The issue here is attitude. Do you have a healthy and comfortable attitude about sex? I am not talking about morality or ethics here. I’m not preaching. I am talking about emotional comfort.

If you are uncomfortable about the subject of sex, then you are probably at least as uncomfortable with sexual feelings. So guess what happens when you feel them? You eat.

3. When do you feel sexual?

Maybe a better question would be, “Do you know when you feel sexual?” How many times a day do you have sexual feelings? Some of you are thinking, “I’m lucky if I feel that once a week.” That’s my point. These feelings occur much more frequently than you may realize.

For example, how often are you aware of feeling angry or sad or hurt? Everyone has these feelings many times during the course of a week. Surprised? Look again, you will discover that I’m right about this.

I’m saying that you have many feelings every day and that you eat to kill the ones that are not acceptable. I am also saying that sexual feelings occur as much as any other feeling.  If you are not aware of them, you may be eating instead of experiencing them.

4. How can you tell if you are eating to kill your sexual feelings?

First, you must decide that you want to know. I know that this may sound peculiar, but it is important. Do you really want to know when you feel sexual? You may feel uncomfortable at first, even a little strange. But the payoff here is significant. If you allow yourself to be aware of your sexual energy and learn to handle it in a healthy and appropriate manner, you will accomplish three things.

1. You will eat less, naturally. I know you will love that.
2. You will tap into one of the most powerful and life-giving forces available to humans.
3. You will be naturally more energized and sensual and interested in life.

Second, look for the signs. Ask yourself, “Am I feeling sexual?  What causes that feeling to arise in me? Is it OK if I feel it?” You will probably discover that your sexual energy becomes much more obvious to you – and more than once a week.

Third and finally, decide what you are going to do with it. I am not encouraging you to act out irresponsibly. I am asking you to make adult, appropriate decisions about how you will explore and use this powerful and wonderful energy.

Be creative. Have fun. Enjoy.

[Ed. Note:  Dr. Matthew Anderson is an author (The Prayer Diet), counselor (35 years) and national columnist/expert on weight loss, motivation, self-management and relationships.  Find tough-minded, outside-the-box guidance for taking charge of your life and/or your weight, including Eating to Kill, Wake-Up 101 and Weight Loss as a Spiritual Journey. Click here to learn more.]

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