All fat people say that they want to be thin. But research in the International Journal of Obesity shows that about 95 percent of overweight and obese people fail at weight loss. They do not fail because they are lazy and undisciplined. I believe they fail because many of them have a deep-seated fear of what will happen when and if they drop all those pounds.

Let’s assume for a few moments that you are one of these individuals. Here is a brief description of what occurs when you try to lose weight: The Gain-Lose-Gain Again Cycle.

You get sick of being overweight and decide to diet.

For a while you drop pounds.

Then without warning you lose control and begin to gain again. You feel possessed by a drive to eat and you cannot stop even though you know you are re-gaining all that weight you worked so hard to lose.

You hate and blame yourself and you may even feel a bit crazy.

Eventually you get sick of being overweight and you begin the cycle all over again.

The results are the same.

I have counseled hundreds of individuals who relate the same disturbing story. I have discovered that they share something in common: They all have a deep fear of being thin.

When their weight loss approaches a certain point they stop feeling fat. This is when their fear takes over and drives them to revert to fattening eating habits. The fear is often so strong that they have no way to productively manage themselves. This process continues until they gain enough to take away the fear.

Tragically, almost all diet programs have no understanding of this fear and provide no support, counseling or tools for discovering and managing it. Thus they make great claims about losing large amounts of weight, but never tell you that nearly all their weight-losers put it all back on in less than two years.

Is the situation hopeless? Are you doomed to be held hostage to your fear of thin?

No. You can overcome fear if you identify it and then confront it with support.

The list below contains examples of fear I have collected from many of the weight-challenged people I have counseled. If you find even one item that applies to you, look more closely at yourself. Simply identifying a fear is a giant step on the way to overcoming it.

1. You may fear your sexual energy. Many individuals fear that they will lose control sexually if they lose weight.
2. You may have been raped and fat protects you from men: “If I stay obese men will not pursue me and I will be safe.”
3. Your self-esteem may be very low and you might actually feel undeserving of weight loss.
4. Your fat may be a way of resisting the growing-up process (baby fat), because adulthood seems frightening.
5. You may believe that losing weight might require you to make other scary or painful choices and changes (divorce, change jobs, lose friends).
6. Weight loss may require you to accept more challenges or responsibilities. Staying fat then becomes a form of safety.
7. You may fear being seen and therefore judged.
8. You may fear the loss of food as a drug and a hiding place from the difficulties of your life.
9. You may fear your own power: “Who and what will I be if I drop these pounds?”

Here’s a great exercise for exploring your fears of being thin. Write 25 different completions to this sentence:

“I am afraid to be thin because… ”

Don’t stop with five or 15. Do all 25. If you stop you may miss the best information. This technique will help you access your unconscious (your inner self), which contains the real reasons you cannot drop your excess weight. The first few responses to the unfinished sentence are usually superficial and obvious. Going to 25 will push you past the easy and often useless answers.

Once you begin to get deeper responses to this unfinished sentence you will see that your difficulties with weight loss are well founded. Many of my clients have said to me, “No wonder I had such trouble and failed so often. That fear is pretty intense.”

Identifying the source of the fear will give you valuable information. Then you can begin the inner work necessary to heal or manage it. Once you do this you will find the entire process of weight loss easier and your chances of success will increase greatly.

What might that inner work entail?

If, for example, you were sexually abused as a child, you might fear losing weight because your new thinner body would attract men who will harm you. Once you discover this you could see a professional counselor to face and heal the pain and lose your fear of men. Then getting thinner would no longer pose a threat to your well-being.

Another example that is prevalent among women is the fear of power: “Who and what will I be if I drop these pounds?” If you do my exercise above and discover that you have this concern you can learn to explore and express your power in manageable steps and not get “out of control.” As you begin to see that your personal power is your friend and can produce positive results in your life, the fear will shrink — and often your body will do the same.

In every instance, whatever this exercise reveals can be faced, managed or healed. Then the fear that blocks your successful weight loss is diminished. As it lessens you will discover that the process of long-term, healthy weight loss becomes easier.

The central issue here is your willingness to find the true inner sources of your fear of being thin. Once you make this powerful discovery you will be on the way to a healthier life and a thinner body.

[Ed. note: Dr. Matthew Anderson is an author (The Prayer Diet), counselor (35 years) and national columnist/expert on weight loss, motivation, self-management and relationships. To find tough-minded, outside-the-box guidance for taking charge of your life and/or your weight including Eating to Kill, Wake-Up 101 and Weight Loss as a Spiritual Journey, click here.]

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