Are you an adult who still believes in fairy tales? Like the ones that say we will fall in love with the romantic partner of our dreams and live happily ever after. It’s hard not to think this way. Books, movies, and even some TV shows keep the fairy tale going. They entertain us with dramas of romantic partners who overcome some sort of obstacle to their love.

When the story concludes, the lovers are always united and we are led to believe they enter the future with a sense of true contentment and satisfaction with life. This widespread cultural practice reflects the notion that we can only achieve genuine happiness by finding a romantic partner who fulfills our deepest hopes and dreams.

There is another side of the same coin. It is the mistaken belief that it is impossible to be happy, content, and satisfied with life if we do not have a romantic relationship. As a clinical psychologist I have found that many who think this way become depressed and demoralized. They operate on the belief that since they are not attractive enough to find a romantic partner they have no real chance of finding happiness.

In fact, it is terribly inaccurate to look this way at the connection between a romantic relationship and the ability to become and remain happy. In researching emotional well-being I have discovered that a romantic relationship is not essential to leading a happy life. This is because what we need in order to become and remain happy are affirmation, companionship, and intimacy.

These core values are often found in a romantic relationship. But they can also be found in other types of relationships. The important thing to remember is that finding these values in nonromantic relationships can be as effective in the pursuit of happiness as obtaining them from a romantic partner.

By cultivating friendships you will enhance your emotional well-being. A friend is a person with whom you share experiences that are mutually enjoyable. A good friend is also someone who provides feedback that you are adequate, competent, acceptable, desirable and/or lovable.

You also find intimacy with a good friend when you are comfortable enough to share aspects of yourself that could result in embarrassment, ridicule, or rejection and that friend continues to affirm you.

If you are in a reasonably fulfilling romantic relationship or even if you have no hope of finding one, you can enhance your emotional well-being by making an effort at cultivating friendships. Spend time with a person who affirms you and who is interested in leisure activities that are mutually enjoyable.

As time goes on risk sharing some intimate aspect of your life and see how your friend responds. If you find that this person offers affirmations, companionship and intimacy, investing time and energy in your relationship with him or her will go a long way toward enhancing your emotional well-being.

[Ed. note: Dr. Douglas Ramm is a psychologist, philosopher, author and leading researcher in the field of emotional well-being, contentment and life satisfaction.He has appeared on numerous radio and television talk shows where he shares insights for enhancing quality of life. For more information, click here.]

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