For many years, our family’s Christmas seemed to be about shopping, stuff, stress, and slush.  There is not much we in the northeast can do about the slush, but our family has gotten away from the other three.

One Christmas morning I sat receiving hugs, kisses, and thanks from my two children as they unwrapped gifts “from Mom and Dad.” I was terribly unhappy.  Why?  I learned several years ago that the best place to look for that answer is within me.  It’s not always easy to pin down the cause of unhappiness, but I’m pretty sure blaming someone else is not helpful.

I had not participated in the shopping part.  My wife had purchased the things the kids were unwrapping.  Most of the gifts being unwrapped were clothes that would have had to be purchased anyway, so it wasn’t squandering money that was bothering me.

I ultimately came to the conclusion that I was unhappy because I had not given anything, really.  I had gotten a present for my wife but it was not memorable — something that I had just gone out and purchased without much forethought.

With my newfound insight, I confessed my unhappiness to my family and suggested that in the future we only give one present to each family member, and that the gift be something that required thought about the person. They thought that was a fine idea.  The next Christmas was the happiest of my life. My wife and my children, upon receiving my gift, each came to me with a very sincere and emotional hug, kiss, and thanks.

My gift for the people I love most cost only pennies in money. The cost was in time, thinking about each of them. I asked myself why I loved them.  What did I think was special about them?  What was special within the past year?  Much of that thinking time was done in the shower, while driving to and from work with the radio off, while shoveling snow, or any other activity that didn’t require thought.

I then put my thoughts into words on paper and wrote each of them a letter expressing my gratitude and love for the special place they had in my heart.  The letters didn’t contain any philosophy or advice… they were simply about my feelings for my loved ones.

Since that first special Christmas, we have made a letter exchange part of our family tradition.  You might think that its something reserved for writers, but it is not your way with words that is important.  It is the feeling that comes from truly thinking about the other person.  One trick I can pass on — when you have written the letter, set it aside for a little while and then go back and read it, pretending you are the person you wrote it for.  This is the final empathy test to make sure you are not letting any advice or judgment slip in.

This gift of love, of focusing on a person you love, and thinking about the nature of that love, helps to keep us from taking love for granted.  It seems to be a gift that keeps on giving.

The letters I receive make me pretty emotional too. Knowing that someone I love has taken the time to think about me gives me a very warm fuzzy feeling and gratitude for all I have.  And that’s the best Christmas present of all.

[Ed. Note: Mort Mather has been gardening organically for 35 years. He is the author of Gardening for Independence and has founded two non-profits -- one saved a farm on the Maine Coast and the other saved the historic Ogunquit Playhouse.  Mort is a certified organic farmer supplying vegetables for his family-run restaurant (www.joshuas.biz) in Wells, Maine.  To learn more, click here.]

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